Film Review: Double Dragon (1994)

I love it when movies take place in the “not-too-distant future,” especially when that future has come and gone. For some reason, ordinary citizens live in fear of roving gangs of punks with crazy outfits and crazier hair. These punks are always high on some kind of new drug and worship some cult-like leader. More often than not, there are martial arts involved for some reason too. Well, as is usually the case, the future portrayed in Double Dragon never came to fruition. 2007 was really boring compared to how it’s depicted in the movie, which maybe is a good thing.

An old arcade game serves as Double Dragon’s source material, so that alone should signify what you’re in for. The plot centers around the Lee brothers (one an actual Asian American martial artist, the other, TV’s Scott Wolf), who are tasked with defending their half of a magical necklace. When the two pieces of the trinket are combined, its wielder will attain great power (or whatever). But watch out because the other half is owned by a rich weirdo named Koga Shuko (inexplicably and outrageously played by Robert Patrick), who will stop at nothing to attain the other half – as villains are wont to do. (He also dabbles in altering human DNA to create super-monsters on the side)

All of this is set in a futuristic, post-apocalyptic Los Angeles where gangs come out at night due to an uneasy peace deal with the city’s government (regular folks get the daytime, gangs get the night). The Lee brothers are helped in their quest by The Power Corps, a chaotic good bunch led by Alyssa Milano and looking like they just came from an EMF video shoot. It’s nearly unbelievable how one movie could represent every bad trend and dumb cliché that defined the first half of the ‘90s. You can practically smell the Manic Panic.

None of this, however, is the worst part. That distinction falls squarely on Scott Wolf’s acting. Even with writing as terrible as what’s found in Double Dragon, Wolf had no business delivering his bad lines in such an annoying, uncharismatic way. He would go on to have some success with Party of Five, but you wouldn’t know it by the way he butchers every joke he’s given (he’s the supposed comic relief, you see). To tell you the truth, I don’t know why the hell was cast in the first place. He’s no martial artist, that much is clear. When he’s involved in any kind of action sequence where the visibility of his face ensures us that it’s him and not a stunt double, things go from goofy to just plain dumb. His “brother,” real-life martial artist Mark Dacascos, on the other hand, has chops (he’s even set to appear as a villain in the new John Wick movie). The contrast between the two is staggering.

If you’re looking for dopey ‘90s fun without a thought in its head, by all means, Double Dragon is for you. If you’re after high-concept art or something with even a modicum of competence, you might want to skip it. I must admit though, I was entertained by some of the nonsense. The magnitude of its pointlessness is somewhat intriguing. I remember playing the video game in the late-’80s, but by 1994 I’m fairly certain it was well out of vogue (replaced by Mortal Kombat or some shit), making the existence of this film even stranger.