Batman & Robin has a current Rotten Tomatoes score of 10%. When I sat down for my screening, I thought to myself, “Oh, it can’t be that bad.” Well, it’s bad. There are a few redeeming qualities that come from unexpected places, but those few and far between moments fall very short of saving this franchise-killing train wreck. Batman & Robin is a mixed bag of pros and cons (albeit mostly cons), which fall into three main categories: the cast, the camp, and the homo-eroticism. Try and guess which falls where.
First, the cast. I went in thinking it would be Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze that tanked the film. Turns out, he’s in the pro category. Yes, his one-liners are cheesy, but he approaches Freeze with a strange Dutch from Predator (1987) delivery that I can’t help but get behind. I never would have thought in a million years I’d be saying this, but Arnold Schwarzenegger delivers the best performance of the movie. It’s possible that he looks golden simply when compared to the rest of the cast, which is abysmal.
Uma Thurman fares second best as only slightly less than adequate at summoning her inner Julie Newmar to pull off Poison Ivy (not sure if that’s a compliment or not). The heroes, on the other hand, are all terrible – and I mean terrible. Clooney plays Batman/Bruce Wayne exactly like he plays every other role – smug with an undeserved assurance. Chris O’Donnell and Alicia Silverstone should have their SAG cards revoked for their witless and moronic portrayals of Robin and Batgirl. It’s embarrassing to watch them make every bad scene even worse with their brainless, amateurish performances. The term “Phoned In” comes to mind, but that would imply existing talent that went unused. I’m not convinced there was any talent to begin with. This should be career ending stuff.
Next, the camp. Before Batman & Robin, the franchise lived in that now familiar dark and sinister, flawed and tragic hero realm of comic book movies. The studio decided a different direction was needed for the next installment, so a more kid-friendly approach was taken. Critics and fans didn’t like it – but I didn’t hate it. Batman & Robin has much more in common with the late-60s series starring Adam West than it does with the early Tim Burton offerings – and I’m fine with that. The camp isn’t anywhere near as good as the old T.V. show, but it has a nostalgic effect that I can’t help but appreciate. Besides, I thought the darkness of the Burton films was strained, and they were a lot campier than they wanted to be. I only wish the ridiculous nature of the film was more intentional, and that much more thought had been put into it. Camp can be good, but in a movie like this, it has to be done right. I didn’t hate the approach, but I wasn’t satisfied with the result either.
Finally, the homo-eroticism – big check mark in the pro column. Director Joel Schumacher, who is gay, denies intentionally peppering in any homoerotic innuendo, but the first few minutes of the film alone throw that out the window. It’s all enlarged codpieces and enhanced, chiseled bat-butts. Not to mention the perfectly sculpted chests and pointy nipple costumes. I don’t buy Schumacher’s excuses. I think he knew he was making a stinker, so he threw in a bunch of stuff to subconsciously sway the Batman/Robin relationship from one of Master/Ward to one of a loving couple with everyday problems – you know, what everyone’s been saying for 80 years anyway. It’s a brilliant F.U. to homophobic America, intentional or not.
Side note: Schumacher claims the costumes were based on Greek statues, and that’s why they have such tight butts and perky nipples. But, I didn’t see any nipples on Batgirl. Gotcha, Schumacher!
In the end, the 10% Rotten Tomatoes rating is fitting, but it’s hard to hate Batman & Robin. It’s bad, but it’s harmless. I’ll probably even watch it again someday when my daughter is a little older. It has its moments (there’s a scene with a bunch of punk rockers, which I always love), and who knows, you might get more out of it than I did. So, you can skip it, or you can sit down with some popcorn and see what 10% looks like.
James is a writer, record collector, wrestling nerd, and tabletop gamer living with his family in Asheville, North Carolina. He is a member of the Southeastern Film Critics Association, the North Carolina Film Critics Association, and contributes to The Daily Orca, Razorcake Magazine, Mountain Xpress, and Asheville Movies.