I was excited to finally have the opportunity to see Jonas Mekas’s epic 5-hour experimental home movie documentary. As I Was Moving Ahead… isn’t exactly a documentary (even though it is) and it isn’t exactly a home movie (even though it is), but rather an expression of love, gratitude, and memory as seen through the eyes of an accomplished and well-respected independent filmmaker. Its length, while intimidating, will likely turn many off, but I urge the brave to press on. Whether you watch it all at once or in chunks (there are 12 clearly marked chapters, after all) doesn’t really matter. The important thing is that it’s experienced somehow.
As I Was Moving Ahead…, even at five hours, is never a bore. Made up entirely of Mekas’s home movies from the 1970s and ‘80s, it moves and flows in a stream of consciousness manner that resembles the moments just before sleep. Its frantic and fast cutting might be nauseating in any other sort of film, but here these cuts are serene and calming. The visuals we see do not contain any sound, and I doubt any was even recorded. Instead, we’re kept at bay with all manner of musical interludes, ambient audio effects, and the filmmaker’s own thoughts. The blending of moving image and aural sensations is quite beautiful.
What keeps the film going, though, is its pure humanity. We get to know Mekas and his family and easily become part of it. What’s more, the memories his camera has captured over the years become ours, with the fun, the love, the mundanity, and the adventure absorbed into our own experiences. My life and Jonas Mekas’s life are vastly different, but in viewing his in this way, one realizes that all differences break down when it comes to the moments in between. Perhaps it’s the “small” moments that connect us all – the everyday ones.
Mekas regales us throughout his film with thoughts and musings on memory and what he finds important in life. His philosophy mixes with the mundane, producing potent observations on human nature and attitudes. In addition, small, hand-written or neatly typed title cards pop up from time to time which reminds us of where we are. Statements like “This is a Political Film” and “Life Goes On” are constant nudges at the inevitabilities of art and time.
Mekas says towards the end of the film, “I am trying to remember…” This sums it up better than I could. His early life was full of unthinkable hardships, but he found a home and found a family. His extreme adoration for his loved ones and his thankfulness for having found them all makes for a touching, unique experience. And that it’s made with such care and with such a complete lack of pretension serves to honor the filmmaker that much more. As I Was Moving Ahead… is a thank you to the universe for the life Jonas Mekas was given.
James is a writer, record collector, wrestling nerd, and tabletop gamer living with his family in Asheville, North Carolina. He is a member of the Southeastern Film Critics Association, the North Carolina Film Critics Association, and contributes to The Daily Orca, Razorcake Magazine, Mountain Xpress, and Asheville Movies.